Many people set goals to get in better physical shape. They want tighter buns, six pack abs and arms that never jiggle. But how many people decide to work on their inner selves? No matter what we look like on the outside, it who we are on the inside that really dictates our lives. Self-esteem reflects the relationship we have with ourselves. The better this relationship is, the better our other relationships can be.
Most of us could use a good self-esteem boost. What’s the best way to do that? Through goal setting. But these goals can’t be just any of goals; To really set ourselves up for success, we need to set S.M.A.R.T. goals. Smart stands for Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Realistic, and Time-bound. What does this look like in real life?
Is there something you’ve been wanting to do but haven’t gotten around to? Perhaps you started a project a while ago but have yet to complete it. Deep down this lack of completion has caused your self-esteem to take a hit. Let’s say you’ve been wanting (and very much needing) to clean out the garage. You’ve probably said to yourself, “I’ve really got to go through the garage, and throw a bunch of stuff out.” That’s an okay start, but as goals go, it’s pretty vague.
Let’s use S.M.A.R.T. goals to get the job done. Here’s a Specific goal: “I am going to clean out, and reorganize the garage.” That’s good. Now how do we make that Measurable? Let’s add some words that will help us know when and if we complete our goal.. “I an going to clean out and reorganize the garage. so both cars and all of our bikes fit.”
You’ll also want to be able to measure your progress toward your goal, to be certain you are staying on track. So, you could decide to spend two hours each Saturday and Sunday for the next 4 weeks. If you do that, you will know you’re on the right path to achieving your goal. If you don’t meet the milestones, you’ll know you’ve gotten off-track.
Now let’s talk about whether or not your goal is Achievable. Well, other human beings have cleaned out and organized their garage, so you know it’s possible. You have the desire, and you’ve carved out an appropriate amount of time to complete the job. Yep, this seems like a very achievable goal. Instead of cleaning out the garage you already have, your goal could have been to build a new garage by yourself all in one weekend, but no, that would not have been an achievable goal.
You know your goal is achievable, but is the schedule you’ve set for yourself Realistic? Do you actually have 4 hours on the weekend to devote to this project. or with your work and family time, is half an hour more realistic? While it’s understandable you want to get the job done as fast as possible, you also don’t want to set yourself up for failure. So be sure your schedule is realistic.
And lastly, you’ll need to set a Time-bound deadline for the attainment of your goal. Will this task be completed in 4 weeks? Will it take two months? Choose a deadline that’s reasonable and motivating at the same time. It’s a balance between being practical and pushing yourself slightly. A date too far in the future could kill your motivation.
Let’s recap. We started with the vague goal of “I’ve really got to go through the garage and throw a bunch of stuff out”, and ended up with “I am going to spend four hours every weekend for the next four weeks clearing out and reorganizing the garage so that both cars and all of our bikes fit”. Now you have a specific, measurable, attainable, realistic and time-bound (SMART) goal with built-in milestones to get you there. But more importantly, you’ve made a promise to yourself, and keeping this promise is what will enhance your self-esteem.
Of course, sometimes it takes a little more work than reaching a goal, to lift our self-esteem. There are experiences in our lives that can truly devastate our sense of self-worth, and often we need the guidance of a therapist to help us recover our sense of identity and self-esteem.
It you or a loved one have struggled with self-esteem issues, and are interested in exploring treatment, please contact me. I would be happy to speak with you about how I may be able to help.